ferrets, imaginary friends and underwear

Life is funny and so unexpected sometimes. The past few days have been pretty fun and filled with moments that I would never anticipate, but that spice things up a little, and nevertheless make me laugh; actually, i'm laughing now, just thinking of them.

So my mom left town today, and i'm sad. Although it's no fun to be sad, it makes me feel pretty happy because i'm sad she's gone and not relieved. I've definitely had the relieved feeling which has its benefits, but always reminds me of the weighed down feeling i had when she was around. This time was different, and I think it's because she seemed so much happier, so much more alive and free. In a lot of ways my parents' divorce ripped me apart emotionally, but as time passes and I actually witness the happiness of both of them apart it becomes easier to see the good in it all. I'm no supporter of divorce, but i think any real connection and intimacy that my parents had wasn't lost in the paperwork, it was buried under layers of self-created pain and expectations. It makes me realize how much expectations hurt us, yet is it possible to live without them? I think we all have some sort of expectations for the way our lives will be, the people we want to marry, the kind of ways our friends and family should treat us. Are those expectations realistic? Should we have them? Now that my mom doesn't have the same expectations of my dad, it enables her to love him more fully, not for the man that she wants him to be, but for the man he is. Is there any way to escape the expectations that seem to be born of intimacy? perhaps...but i have no idea...

so on to the underwear...i had my most embarrassing moment this weekend...by far...hands down. and i thought, what better place than here to tell it. After all these years, i finally have something to say when people ask, "What's your most embarrassing moment?" It all began innocently. My mom and I decided to stop at TJ Maxx to buy some bras and underwear. Never too much bras and underwear..that's my theory. So I'm wandering through the underwear and walk up to my mom and say, "man, i LOVE buying underwear. What size do you think I am?" Except, no, it wasn't my mom at all. She had wandered off into home goods and i was asking a random lady what size she thought i was in underwear. The funny thing is that she replied. She matter-of-factly stated, "i don't know sweetie, maybe a 6 or 7." Then she pulled a choice pair of silky granny underwear and said, "what do you think of these?" Notice, i still haven't uttered a word, but my face changed about 10 shades. So, what to do? Walk away and pretend it didn't happen? sounds good to me. man, i was embarrassed. i feel embarrassed just thinking of it...ha..life.

so, on with the random...i had a chance encounter with a ferret today. it was sitting in my mail crate when i walked through the door. i think it's my neighbor's..ferrets are kind of gross, but it was actually cute and seemed to be smiling at me. I returned him promptly to my neighbor. maybe we'll meet again.

and the favorite part of my day....imaginary friends. not mine, i'm sad to say, but Robbie's. I woke up at dawn this morning to go babysit for little Robbie, 5. Hair askew, pacing back and forth, Robbie told me about his imaginary friend Sword Shredder. He said he looked like pokemon except he had swords for wings, arms and legs. It made me smile a lot. He was so serious, and believed so much that he existed. He even said that sometimes Sword Shredder enters his body and he starts to take on his characteristics. He then drew me a picture, but said it was nothing compared to the actual sword shredder. How great are kids?! I love them. Much like older people in our society, the good things about them seem to get missed, like their creativity and ability to live for the moment. After all, aren't we supposed to come to God as children? That thought makes me SO excited. Children are so free, so uninhibited..ahhh...some day...

oh, and by the way, emily lizer is the coolest friend a girl could have. and she's single. and she plays the violin like an angel. i miss her.