i am

lately i have more time since i have finished all my grad school applications. although it's great i find myself putting certain standards on the free time i now have...i should read more. i should write more. i should eat less. i shouldn't watch too much tv. i should make plans with my girl friends. i should call all the people i've lost touch with. i should run more errands because doesn't it seem like the more errands you run, the more control you have over your life? i could use some shampoo or something.

the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts. it's not a very fun list. i think it should look more like this-i should be me. i should call who i want to call and read when i want to read. i should watch tv if i want to and i should spend more time with myself.

while that list is great, it still needs a little work.

i am.

that is even better. God is called the great "I am" and it makes me wonder why sometimes we can't just be okay with "being." while we may not be great "i ams" we could at least start by being tiny "i ams." i cannot figure out myself, i cannot figure out God, but when all else fails i am comforted by the simple truth that i am.