silence

I just finished writing in my journal. I asked God to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes I feel so lost in questions and the oppressive nature of my own insecurity that I feel as though I get tunnel vision. I feel like I'm chasing after God and He's constantly on the horizon. The trick with the horizon is that you can never actually get there by chasing after it. It's always just there, you can choose to look at it if you want, but you don't have to. It kind of made me realize, Here is God now, in this moment, right with me, now, not a minute ago or in another minute to come. His presence is constant, I can choose to live in the beauty of God's presence or to chase Him into the future or into the past. I want to choose NOW. And in this moment of silence I am alive.

In the presence of God I find I notice where I am. I do not live beyond this moment. I see the richness of color, I see the hurt or joy in a friend's eyes. I feel the soft cushion of the couch beneath me. I hear the hum of a passing train. Everywhere is something to be taken in and cherished by the senses. We were not meant to miss such things. Most joyfully of all, we may come to realize "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say 'here it is,' or 'there it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you" I hope that I will continue to meditate on this reality in my time shared with God. It is not here nor there. The truth of Jesus and the kingdom of God lives within you.