a right to be wrong

coming from a girl who has spent most of her life trying to be right, this song is very liberating to me...

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
i`ve got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
i`ve got a right to be wrong

Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
Flesh and blood to the bone
See, I'm not made of stone

I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone
I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down to long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe

I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
I've got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

i am

lately i have more time since i have finished all my grad school applications. although it's great i find myself putting certain standards on the free time i now have...i should read more. i should write more. i should eat less. i shouldn't watch too much tv. i should make plans with my girl friends. i should call all the people i've lost touch with. i should run more errands because doesn't it seem like the more errands you run, the more control you have over your life? i could use some shampoo or something.

the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts. it's not a very fun list. i think it should look more like this-i should be me. i should call who i want to call and read when i want to read. i should watch tv if i want to and i should spend more time with myself.

while that list is great, it still needs a little work.

i am.

that is even better. God is called the great "I am" and it makes me wonder why sometimes we can't just be okay with "being." while we may not be great "i ams" we could at least start by being tiny "i ams." i cannot figure out myself, i cannot figure out God, but when all else fails i am comforted by the simple truth that i am.

judge alex

how many judge tv shows are there now? i just turned on the television (a mistake already) and judge alex is on. two women are arguing over small amounts of money. i mean, come on. judge judy. judge joe brown. divorce court....that i can even name that many seems a little frightening to me, and by the way, judge alex? is he even a real judge?. Although I ridicule television, I have to admit i just programmed "the bachelor" into my sister's tivo (i'm too poor to subscribe myself).

living in the world, but not of it. is this possible? I know one woman who makes it seem a very distinct possibility. she lives on less than $800 a month, does not own a televison, wears sweats most of the time, never wears make-up. she does not own a couch (of that one, i'm not sure why), and re-gifts most of the gifts given to her. Her smile instantly warms me. she used to work in the business world and quit her job to work at a golf course simply because she enjoys the work. she's unmarried, in fact, i doubt she has ever desired marriage. Although I have only met her twice, those times have been moments of awareness, silence, peace, and joy. when i went home over the holidays i saw her at a spiritual gathering and we didn't even speak (she spent all of december in silence), but she didn't need to. The love she brought with her was enough to fill the room and spill out the building. I am not writing this to glorify her, but to recognize this beautiful power that lives within us all- this ability to surrender our attachment to the world and live according to a spiritual purpose. The truth is, we don't need half the things we have convinced ourselves we need. we aren't entitled to them either. this is not to say we shouldn't welcome things of the material world with thanksgiving. i shouln't, however, trust them or attach myself to them.

although i have much to learn in this arena, for now i think i'll just turn off judge alex and read.